I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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