Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
