So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
