whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
