After last night, I could never be a politician.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize