hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
