He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
