as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
