I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
