happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
