I heard we made out
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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