Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
