don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize