if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
