I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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