after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize