The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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