Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
