He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
