Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
