There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
