So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize