omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Text me some of your sweat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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