So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
