I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
