We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
