Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
