I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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