The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
