I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
