Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
