i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
People in love make me want to vomit
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
