I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
