I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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