My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Someone came in the potted fern
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
