Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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