Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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