Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
