can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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