Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
