And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize