you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
