Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is Oprah even human
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
