She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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