I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
