do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
