My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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