It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
