Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
