How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
