Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
