So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
