You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize