Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
