Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
