when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize