IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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