Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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