How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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