I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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