OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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