After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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