apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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