Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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