Don't you send me to vm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
