don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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