Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
