i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
