I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have aggressive nipples.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
