I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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