First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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