dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
