Me. At least after what I've been through.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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