for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
