Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
